When Your Life is in Chaos
by Catherine4
Summary: A secret from Cleo's past effects her life in every way possible *chapters 4 & 5 added*
1. Chapter 1

"Are you sure you don't want to come?"  
  
Cleo stood outside the hospital entrance waving good bye to Peter and Reese as they headed off on a spur-of-the-moment trip to Disney land without her.  
  
"You know I'd love to come but Weaver wouldn't give me the time off. I can't believe Romano agreed."  
  
"Me neither" Peter replied, "I'd better leave before he changes his mind."  
  
She kissed them both and pulled her coat tighter around her body in an effort to keep out the cold.  
  
"Have fun, Reese" she signed to the little boy. "Miss you."  
  
"You come to" he signed back with a sad look on his face.  
  
"No, I can't. I'll see you soon." She kissed him again.  
  
An ambulance pulled into the bay and she was called over by a very cold looking Carter just as Peter's cab drove up. "Say hi to Mickey Mouse for me!" she shouted before turning her attention to the patient. The last patient of the shift, she hoped. She had to work tomorrow night.  
  
***  
  
Finally. 1 hour and 3 traumas later than she was supposed to be home but at least she had finally got away.  
  
Cleo threw her keys down on the coffee table and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water then slumped down, exhausted on the living room sofa.  
  
She was glad to have the apartment to herself again. Ever since Peter had moved in, she had felt overwhelmed. And since Carla had died, it had got worse. Reese was spending more and more time at the house and sometimes she just needed a break.  
  
It wasn't that she didn't love Reese, she did, it just painfully highlighted to her all the things she was missing.  
  
Cleo put her glass down on the floor and headed upstairs. She couldn't just stay there, thinking. She knew that once she went down that train of thought, she would just make everything ten times worse. She just had to keep reminding herself why everything was the way it was and reassuring herself that she had made the right decision.  
  
She knew deep down she had, but that didn't make anything any easier.  
  
She got undressed and slipped under the bed covers, turning of the lamp. She wouldn't sleep, but she had to try and accept things the way they were. Cleo lay awake, staring up at the ceiling, imagining what her life would be like now if she had done things differently.  
  
She reached into the top draw of the night stand and brought out a crumpled photo and just remembered, wished and imagined everything the way it should be.  
  
* * *  
  
"Hey Randi, you seen Dr. Finch?"  
  
Abby tried to fight her way through the hoards of patients that were filling up the corridors. She dumped her arm full of charts on top of more charts and looked around for someone to help.  
  
"Um" The desk clerk looked up from her magazine and put down her coffee. "What?"  
  
Abby sighed. "Dr. Finch. Have you seen her?"  
  
"Uh, yeah. She took a patient upstairs to surgery about five minutes ago. Should be back any minute."  
  
"Anyone else around, we're getting swamped."  
  
"Dr. Chen's in exam 3 and Dr. Kovac is in sutures."  
  
As the nurse walked away, Randi muttered to herself, "I'm soooo glad I only answer the phones" and went back to reading Vogue.  
  
Abby headed toward sutures to find Luka and bumped into Carter. "Hey Abby, I've got a pedes. case next door, seen Cleo?"  
  
"Nope, you fancy taking a toe lac in curtain 1?" Abby forcefully thrust the chart at Carter.  
  
Carter raised his hands defensively and shook his head. "Sorry, no can do. Got to stop this kid puking all over the floor." He gave Abby a sarcastic looking smile. "Be sure to give it to me when Cleo reappears though."  
  
"Yeah, yeah..." she said and went to pounce on Luka.  
  
* * *  
  
Cleo stepped into the crowded elevator to take her back down to the ER. She had been trying to avoid being down there for too long all day, not wanting people to notice how tired she was looking. She couldn't handle everyone asking her what was wrong all day, and she certainly didn't want to tell them the answer.  
  
She reached the ground floor and took a deep breath, composing herself. She stepped outside into the mad whirlwind and moved aside just in time to avoid being mown down by a hyperactive little kid. She was met with an apologetic smile from Yosh and continued towards the desk to receive her next patient, smiling and shaking her head.  
  
"Oh, Dr. Finch." Randi called her over. "Abby was looking for you, Carter's got a pedes. case in exam 3 and your sister called."  
  
Cleo put down her chart and looked at the desk clerk in shock. She probably looked a bit stupid but a sudden wave of nervousness came over her. She shook her head and snapped back to reality. "What?"  
  
"A 10 year old with a broken hip" she said, not really caring all that much about it and took a bite of her sandwich.  
  
Cleo stepped behind the desk and came up behind her. "No, I meant about my sister."  
  
"Oh, right." Randi rummaged around in the pile of magazines, food wrappers and assorted hospital papers and retrieved a pink post-it note. "She said... 'She's moving to Canada, she can't take him with her and see you later.'"  
  
She swung around in her chair and gave Cleo a puzzled look as she handed her the note. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"Uh, no... I'm fine" she replied and walked away.  
  
She wasn't fine, far from it. It felt like all the air had been knocked out of her. She had been dreading this moment for five years. Why now? Just when she had almost got her life sorted out. She had found the man she wanted to spend her life with and her job was going fine. Why now?  
  
She headed into the doctor's lounge and sat down, terrified at what was going to happen. She couldn't say she was in disbelief, she had known that this moment had to come sooner or later, she just wished it could be later.  
  
* * *  
  
"Hey Cleo, can I have some help?" Carter asked, rushing through the door to the lounge and chucking something in his locker.  
  
Cleo jumped, not expecting anyone to walk in. She took a sharp breath and did her best to look fine. "Is that the 10 year old?" she asked him, hoping that he was in too much of a rush to notice.  
  
"No, a 5 year from an MVA is being brought in by the paramedics. ETA 5 minutes."  
  
"OK, be right there" she called after him as he ran out the door.  
  
She stood up and glanced at her self in the mirror. She looked a mess but she didn't have time to compose herself. She just hoped that all the staff would be occupied enough saving this child's life that they wouldn't notice. 


	2. Chapter 2

"What have we got?" Cleo asked, joining the gurney that was being wheeled along the corridor.  
  
"5 year old male, involved in a head on MVA. Trauma to the abdomen, and possibility of head trauma," Carter recited off the information she needed.  
  
"Do we have a name?"  
  
"Jamie."  
  
"Okay, Jamie, my name's Cleo," she told him as the pushed him into Trauma Room 2. "I'm a doctor, and I'm going to help make you feel better." The child nodded weakly in acknowledgment. She quickly looked him over, assessing what would be needed. "Right, let's get a unit of o-neg into him, while we cross match some blood to find type specific. And push a litre of saline to get his fluid levels up."  
  
"Cleo," Abby said, in that voice she knew meant trouble. Looking up at Jamie's face, she saw his eyes had rolled closed. She pulled back the eyelids and shone her torch in, checking his pupils.  
  
"Pupils are equal and reaction." She breathed a sigh of relief, before turning back to his abdomen. There was a deep, penetrating wound to the left hand side, and she knew she needed an x-ray to determine whether anything vital had been damaged. "Let's take him up to radiology, get an x- ray and a head CT please. And Chuny, could you take some blood and get a CBC and chem-7, just to check."  
  
"Do you want another unit of o-neg?" Carter, who'd been letting Cleo run things until now, asked.  
  
"No, I'll wait until we have type specific." She started to push the gurney towards the door. "Let radiology know we're on our way."  
  
"Cleo, he's bleeding out." Carter stuck his foot in front of the wheel, stopping the gurney. "He needs more blood."  
  
"I want to wait for type specific, we don't have an unlimited supply of o- neg, and I think he'll be okay." She tried not to panic, she didn't want to lose her cool with Carter. Today was turning out to be a pretty tough day, and this one simple thing was making it so much worse.  
  
"His fluid levels are dropping even as we speak."  
  
"Push another litre of saline then," she ordered, glancing at Abby, who nodded. She grabbed the gurney, and pushed it hard, trying to ram past Carter.  
  
"Cleo, are you okay?" Stopping, she stared at him angrily.  
  
"What do you mean am I okay? I just made a clinical decision, which I think will be best for the welfare of all patients."  
  
"And I don't think that's the correct decision. I also don't think you'd normally make that decision. Is something going on?"  
  
"How dare you," she seethed. "How dare you challenge me like that, in front of colleagues, and a patient."  
  
"A patient who's unconscious, and will be a lot worse off if we don't get on with things." Carter looked at her, obviously unwilling to change his mind.  
  
"Fine, do what you like with the damn patient," she said quietly yet angrily, pulling off her gloves. "I mean, what do I know? I'm only the paediatric doctor, and this is only a five year old kid." Ripping her apron off, she threw it on the floor and stormed out of the room, letting the doors swing strongly behind her.  
  
"Cleo!" Carter shouted after her, but he didn't get a response. He sighed, and turned back to Jamie.  
  
"Do you want me to go after her?" Abby asked.  
  
"Let's just treat the patient, yeah?" He was angry now, and he wasn't going to lose this patient.  
  
"You okay?" she asked, glancing at him, concerned.  
  
"I will be, when we've treated this patient. Another unit of o-neg please." She nodded, and hooked the blood up to the IV. "Now let's get him up to radiology, before we have a disaster that could have been averted."  
  
* * *  
  
Cleo walked through the double glass doors into the freezer that was Chicago. She took off her stethescope and stuffed it into her lab coat pocket. She needed a breath of fresh air to calm herself down. Having her medical abilities questioned by a colleague was something she could do without right now.  
  
She sat down on the bench outside.  
  
"Mum?"  
  
Cleo heard, but kept staring at the floor. A bit too long perhaps because the little boy stepped closer.  
  
Cleo looked at him and smiled. "Kyle, I." She stood up and hugged her son. To say that she was shocked and unprepared would've been an understatement. Disbelief also didn't come close to what she was feeling yet somehow when she hugged her son, nothing else seemed to matter.  
  
She pulled away and looked at him again, tears stinging the back of her eyes. "What are you doing her? Where's Auntie Janet?"  
  
Kyle shrugged. "She left. She dropped me off outside and left, said you'd be out soon."  
  
What? Cleo made a mental note to kill her. Her own sister didn't even want to see her. She wasn't sure she'd want to see herself either but that didn't matter.  
  
"Wait there" she told him, picking up his bag and putting it on the bench next to him. "I'll be right back."  
  
* * * "Frank, I've got to leave" she said, running up to the desk after getting her coat and bag out of the lounge.  
  
"What?" The clerk looked up from the computer screen. For once it looked like he was actually working. "You know Weaver'll kill you, right?" he said, raising his eyebrows. "I don't really want to be caught in the crossfire."  
  
Cleo flashed him an apologetic look as she disappeared out the ER doors.  
  
* * *  
  
"Do you want anything to drink?"  
  
Cleo closed the door of her house behind them both, and awkwardly tried to communicate. It was uncomfortable. It wasn't like she had never gone to visit him, she did as much as she could but she had always thought it best to leave things how they were. She found even asking a simple question difficult.  
  
Kyle shook his head and sat down on the sofa. He wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as she was. He was a very bubbly, friendly child who just got on with things. His relaxed mood put Cleo a bit more at ease.  
  
She felt slightly ashamed that she didn't know how to act around her own child but she would just have to work on it.  
  
Cleo went into the living room and sat down next to him.  
  
"Do you want to be here?" The question had come out a bit blunter than she had intended but she needed to know what he felt.  
  
Kyle shrugged. He chewed his sweater sleeve nervously and looked down at the floor.  
  
Cleo turned to face him, a serious but gentle look on her face. "It's OK if you don't, I don't blame you. Don't feel guilty."  
  
He gave her a timid little smile. "I wish auntie Janet didn't just leave me" he said truthfully, "I might've liked to go with them. They just organised moving without me, just assumed I'd come and live here."  
  
Cleo took this in. If they had known all this time that they were going to leave Kyle behind, why did they wait so long to call? She really hated her sister at the moment. And seeing her little boy so upset just made it worse.  
  
Another silence. But not quite so uncomfortable this time.  
  
"You've got a nice house" Kyle finally said, getting over his brief spell of shyness.  
  
"Thank you" Cleo said, smiling. "Do you want to see where you can sleep?"  
  
* * *  
  
Carter knocked on Cleo's door, still wondering if he should've come round. But he felt terrible about what had happened earlier and knew he couldn't wait too long to apologise.  
  
He heard footsteps come down the stairs, then someone unhooked the door latch. Cleo opened the door and looked rather surprised, or even shocked, to see him.  
  
"Oh, Carter. I." she started rather nervously.  
  
"I can't stay long. I just wanted to say sorry for earlier, I should've listened to what you thought." He paused. "Is everything OK? I was going to apologise earlier but Frank said you had already left."  
  
Cleo glanced around, rather anxiously, eager for him to leave.  
  
"Do you want me to go? I'm." He was interrupted.  
  
"Mum, who's at the door?"  
  
Kyle came running down the stairs enthusiastically and came up beside Cleo.  
  
She closed her eyes and dropped her head, not wanting to see Carter's reaction. She sighed and put her hands on her son's shoulders.  
  
"You'd better come in" she invited, stepping inside to let him through.  
  
"No really, it's fine" Carter told her, but she could tell he was surprised. He started to walk down the steps to his car but she called after him.  
  
"Carter. I really need to talk to someone." 


	3. Chapter 3

Cleo left Kyle and a rather uncomfortable Carter in the living room while she went to the kitchen to make coffee. It was a bit unfair of her to leave them alone without much of an explanation to either of them but she had to sort herself out.  
  
I t was true, she did need desperately to talk to someone, she just wished it could've been.  
  
Peter. Damn.  
  
She shook her head and took a deep breath. She'd sort that out later.  
  
She carried the two cups of coffee through to the lounge and told Kyle to go and finish unpacking. She sat down and put the mugs on the coffee table.  
  
"Nice kid" Carter said, as they both watched Kyle disappear up the stairs.  
  
Cleo smiled. "Yeah, he is. But that's nothing to do with me."  
  
"So, what happened?" Carter asked, then shuffled awkwardly in embarrassment. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to pry."  
  
"No, it's fine" Cleo said, moving a pile of magazines off the sofa and leaning back properly. "He lived with my sister in Detroit. She's moving. She only called this morning then brought Kyle this afternoon. She didn't even have the guts to speak to me. She just dropped him off outside the hospital and left."  
  
Carter nodded, realising the reason for her attitude at work. "I'm sorry, if I'd have known."  
  
"It's fine Carter." She paused and leant her head on the back of the sofa. "Oh God, what a mess."  
  
* * *  
  
Cleo still sat on her living room sofa, staring into space. Carter had left about ten minutes ago. It was his choice to go, she thought he must've felt a bit uncomfortable with the whole situation and she didn't blame him.  
  
They didn't really know eachother too well and she wasn't the sort of person to offload her problems to whoever happened to come along. But she had been keeping everything about Kyle to herself ever sinse she had moved to Chicago. It was a relief to get some of it off her chest, even if it wasn't anything in the whole scheme of events.  
  
He hadn't said anything, but she could tell that Carter knew Peter didn't know. He didn't seem like the type to make judgements but she guessed what he must've been thinking.  
  
She would've thought the same thing.  
  
Cleo had been going out with the man for over a year. Having a son wasn't something you just forgot.  
  
She didn't know how to even begin explaining. She also didn't expect him to understand why she had kept it a secret. Nor would she expect him to forgive her.  
  
* * *  
  
Cleo crept upstairs and quietly pushed open the door to the spare bedroom.  
  
"Kyle? Are you awake?"  
  
She whispered loudly enough for him to hear but quiet enough so she wouldn't wake him if he was asleep. He stirred and rolled over in bed to face her.  
  
She walked through the door and closed it behind her, sitting down on the chair next to his bed.  
  
She pulled the covers up over his shoulders and smiled at him. The moonlight was just about bright enough to show that he was smiling back and Cleo bent down and kissed Kyle's forehead.  
  
He was the sweetest, most loving child. Why had she been away from him all this time? How could she have stood to be parted from him? Cleo knew there were reasons but she couldn't, at this moment, remember what they were.  
  
"Are you OK?"  
  
Kyle shrugged slightly and replied in a quiet voice. "A bit cold."  
  
Cleo stood up and walked over to close the window.  
  
"Do you really want me staying here?" he asked in a small voice.  
  
Cleo looked at him in mild shock and sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling him into a hug.  
  
"Of course I do, Sweetheart. I love you."  
  
They both sat there in the dark, in their loving embrace until Kyle finally drifted off to sleep. Cleo laid him down again and started to walk across the hall to her own bed. She turned around again and looked at his peaceful sleeping form.  
  
What did she do to deserve such a wonderful little boy?  
  
* * *  
  
Kyle sat in the passenger's seat of Cleo's car. It had been a scilent drive across town. In fact, neither had said much all morning. Cleo pulled up outside the child minders but did not get out of the car. She sat there and waited for one of them to break the awkward scilence that was filling the air.  
  
Thank God it was the school holidays. She couldn't cope with having to find a school so soon, let alone questions about why he wasn't in school. She was greatful she could find someone to look after him at such short notice.  
  
She would love to stay home with him. She hated having to leave him and rush off to work when he had only been here a day but she couldn't hget out of it without arousing suspisions.  
  
"Here we are then" Cleo finally sat and unstrapped and reached to open the door.  
  
Kyle sat there for a moment and looked down at his lap.  
  
"Mum." Cleo turned t face him, worried. "Who are those people on the photo on the bookshelf?"  
  
That question hit Cleo like a ton of bricks. She didn't know what to say. She was stupid to think he wouldn't say anything but she had been dreding the moment when he would.  
  
Now she was the one avoiding eyes contact. The last thing she wanted was to lie to her son more. She would just tell him the truth.  
  
"Peter, my boyfriend and his son Reese."  
  
"Do they know about me?" he asked in a shaky voice, still not shifting his gaze from the floor.  
  
A tear fell down Cleo's cheek. "No."  
  
Kyle sat there as well, silently trying not to cry. Cleo was too afraid to say any more.This whole thing was a mess. She had made it all ten times worse by keeping secrets. Now her baby was feeling unwanted and it was all her fault.  
  
"You're ashamed of me, aren't you."  
  
"No Honey, I."  
  
They were interrupted by a woman knocking on the window, with a beaming grin on her face.  
  
Cleo looked painfully across at her son. She took a deep breath before rolling down the window.  
  
The woman had short brown hair and brown eyes. She was wearing a floral dress, far too summery for this kind of weather and was still smiling, oblivious to the tense atmosphere that surrounded them.  
  
"I thought I noticed someone sitting out here", she said chirpily. "I'm Mrs. Ryan. You must be Kyle."  
  
Cleo turned to him and offered him a small smile. She reached over and brushed rested a hand on his shoulder. She was glad that he didn't shrug her off, but he still looked just as upset.  
  
"Come on Kyle. You Mummy will be back later to pick you up. Why don't you come inside and you can play with the other children?"  
  
Kyle silently climbed out of the car and walked towards the house.  
  
Cleo called out the window to him, tears stinging the backs of her eyes. "I love you."  
  
He turned around briefly and shrugged, before disappearing into the house. 


	4. Chapter 4

"Cleo, have you seen Weaver?" Dr. Malucci cam into the lounge and headed over to the coffee maker.  
  
When he didn't get and answer, he turned around. Cleo didn't say anything, she just carried on staring at the wall.  
  
"Fine, suit yourself" he said, and sauntered back out into the hallway.  
  
* * *  
  
"Come on Kyle. Don't you want to come and play soccer outside with Edward?"  
  
The cheerful woman crouched down next to the brightly coloured beanbag in the corner so her face was at the same level as his.  
  
Kyle shook his head and tried to shuffle out of her grasp. "No thankyou" he replied politely and turned to face the wall, trying as best he could to hide his red blotchy face. Mrs. Ryan seemed to give in and headed out the back door onto the lawn outside.  
  
He rubbed his eye, wiping a tear away. Why had Mum not said anything? Kyle couldn't help feeling rejected. He knew deep down that Cleo loved him but it was obvious that Peter and Reese meant a lot to her too. There must be some reason why she had kept it a secret.  
  
Maybe she didn't love him as much as she said after all.  
  
His eyes welled up again. No one wanted him. His aunty Janet had left him too.  
  
He stood up quietly, careful that no one outside would notice and walked slowly to the front door, picking up his jacket from the hook.  
  
He didn't want to be around anyone who didn't want him.  
  
* * *  
  
"No! I will not leave it!" Cleo stood up angrily from the table in the doctor's lounge, the phone receiver held tightly under her chin.  
  
She tried to busy herself sorting out charts but her mind wasn't really on it. She was far more interested in what her sister had to say.  
  
"You leave him here, without a word until Friday. No, I know he's my." Cleo lowered her voice so no one would hear her. "I know he's my son, but we agreed."  
  
She rested her head in her hands in exasperation. She wasn't getting through to her sister at all.  
  
"It's too late to apologise. He was in tears! He thinks you don't love him. Ho dare you. Of course I do."  
  
Cleo could feel tears well up in her throat, remembering the conversation she had with her son that morning. He thought Cleo didn't love him as well.  
  
"No!" Cleo yelled angrily to the other end of the phone line before slamming it down angrily. "I don't want to hear it!"  
  
She sunk back into her chair and tried again to compose herself. All morning people had been asking her what the matter was finding it harder and harder to convincingly tell them that everything was fine.  
  
"Is everything alright?" She jumped slightly at the voice behind her. She hadn't even heard the door open.  
  
"Kerry, I. I was just about to get back to work."  
  
* * *  
  
"Tina, your test results are back." Cleo walked into exam 1 and stood by the bad, holding a chart and looking hard at the teenage girl sitting on the bed. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"  
  
The girl shrugged and kept reading her magazine. Cleo stepped closer and stood with her arms folded. Tina looked up and stared at the doctor blankly. "What?"  
  
Cleo felt frustration and anger build up inside her. "Tina, you know what. This is your last chance to get something off your chest."  
  
Tina shook her head. "Nope."  
  
"Well, we had a call from toxicology. You tested positive for Cocaine. It's a very dangerous drug, Tina. Have you any idea how serious this is?"  
  
The girl sat up in bed and looked at Cleo. "So? Everybody does it."  
  
"No! They don't!" Cleo was past angry now. It wasn't entirely this situation that was contributing to her mood but she wasn't ready to admit to the real reason why she had been acting strangely all day.  
  
"Leave it, man. It's none of your business anyway. Where are my clothes?"  
  
"It is my business, you're my patient, I just want to help you."  
  
"Well maybe I don't want your help. Just keep out of it."  
  
Tina got off the bed and stormed out of the room. Cleo stood there rubbing her head, tears pricking the backs of her eyes.  
  
"Is everything OK?" Carter came through the door and looked at Cleo with concern.  
  
Cleo took a deep breath and fixed the collar of her shirt. "Yeah, I'm fine, I just got a bit carried away with a patient, that's all."  
  
She stood up and picked the chart up off the bed. "I better go and get my patient back."  
  
Carter fixed his gaze on her. He was far from convinced. "Cleo."  
  
"Carter, really. I appreciate your concern but everything's fine." She began to walk out the door but the tears that had been threatening to fall all day finally came. She sat back down on the bed and rested her head in her hands.  
  
Carter walked slowly over to her and placed a hand on his colleagues shoulder. She flinched slightly under his touch but then relaxed and allowed him to sit down next to her on the bed.  
  
"I just." she struggled to find the words. "I'm just messing everything up. I took Kyle to a childminders this morning. The way I left him, I couldn't bear it. He knows about Peter and Reese. He thinks I don't love him because I didn't tell them I had a son."  
  
Cleo lifted her head and Carter could see how guilty and hurt she was feeling.  
  
"Oh God, I'm sorry." Cleo suddenly felt self conscious and uncomfortable. "The last thing you need is me spilling out my problems to you. I should go and find Tina."  
  
Carter picked up the chart that was lying next to them on the bed and gestured for Cleo to stay put. "Don't worry about it. I'll give it to Malucci. He needs to work on his people skills."  
  
Cleo gave a shallow laugh and nodded. "Ok, but I don't want to stay here."  
  
"Do you want to go and talk? How about the lounge?"  
  
Cleo nodded again and slowly stood up, smoothing out her lab coat.  
  
"Ok, come on." Carter looked at her sympathetically and led the way out of the door.  
  
"It looks really busy out here" Cleo commented when they had stepped out into the hallway. "Are you sure they can spare us?"  
  
"Yeah sure. Don't move. I'll just go and find someone to take care of your patient."  
  
Carter walked towards the admit desk in search of Malucci and Cleo stayed standing in the corridor. She idly wandered around the ER, waiting for Carter to return. Anything to take her mind off her current situation. She sighed and began walking towards the doctor's lounge.  
  
She caught sight of the scene in one of the Trauma rooms and gasped. She began breathing quickly and blinked a few times to try and make sense of what she saw. Her eyes welled up with tears and she struggled to stand.  
  
"Oh my god" she gasped and rushed forward." 


	5. Chapter 5

"Put 2 units of O-neg on the rapid infuser." Kerry yelled.  
  
Chen nodded and muttered something to a nurse who hurried off to do her job.  
  
"God, look at him. And we have no idea of his name or age?"  
  
Kerry shook her head. "A woman just found him lying by the side of the road. How could anyone just drive off and leave him?"  
  
Cleo stood in the doorway staring wide-eyed at her colleagues rushing around the room. She couldn't bring herself to look at the figure lying still on the table. She didn't want to believe who it was.  
  
Chen looked up and saw her standing there. "Cleo, we're ok in here. Mark could use some help next door with a GSW."  
  
Cleo didn't move. "No, no! Move out the way, let me help!" She practically ran over to the middle of the room. "What's his status?"  
  
Kerry and Chen looked at each other, confused.  
  
"Come on, dammit! How's he doing?"  
  
"Cleo, we can do it. I really think you should go and help Mark."  
  
Cleo ignored them and carried on assessing him.  
  
"Cleo, what.?" Carter opened the door to Trauma 2 and was shocked to see what was going on. "Cleo, come on."  
  
"No, I have to help, please." Cleo began crying more now and stepped closer to the table.  
  
"Cleo, step outside, come on" Carter said in a relaxing mood and walked over to her.  
  
"Do you know this boy?" Kerry looked concerned for the resident when she saw the way she was acting.  
  
Carter sighed and looked at his feet, then up at Cleo and the boy lying motionless on the bed. He then focused his attention back to Kerry and looked her straight in the eye. "Yeah, he's her son."  
  
Kerry and Chen both looked up at him in disbelief. "What?"  
  
Carter nodded regretfully and walked closer to Cleo, outing his arm around her, trying to pull her away from the table. She shrugged off his touch and knelt down by Kyle's head.  
  
"Cleo, please. Let us help your son, please step outside." Chen looked at Carter and tried herself to get Cleo to leave.  
  
The heart monitor beeped, signalling a drop in pressure. Cleo gasp and stood up, backing away from the table towards the door.  
  
"No, no, no, no. Please, you have to save him." Cleo covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head, moving closer and closer to the door.  
  
This was too much. She couldn't cope with seeing her baby like this. She had to get out of there. But she couldn't bear to leave him. She hadn't been there most of his life, she wasn't going to run away now when he needed his mother the most.  
  
"Pulse is weakening. Give 10 of Atropine." Chen looked over at Kerry. "Cleo, what's his name?" she asked, glancing over at the screen worryingly.  
  
Cleo still stood there, unable to speak.  
  
"Cleo!"  
  
Cleo managed to gather in the situation enough to realise that someone was talking to her. "What?"  
  
"What's his name?"  
  
Tears still trickled down her face. "Kyle. Please, you can't let him die, he's only eight years old, please!"  
  
Carter had just been standing there, also unable to take in the scene. Cleo began to sob more and he rushed over to her and put his arm tightly around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and started to really cry, her emotions flooding out of her as the full severity of the situation hit her.  
  
A car had hit Kyle. He was lying, seriously injured on a trauma room bed. How could she have let this happen? How had this happened? As she let her salty tears soak into Carter's shirt, she still didn't want to believe what was happening.  
  
Kerry looked from the patient, who they now at least knew the name of, to Cleo struggling to cope by the door and found it hard to believe herself. They needed more information about him. Any allergies, past illnesses, but Cleo was hardly in a state to help them.  
  
"Carter, can you take her to the lounge please? We'll come and talk to you when we have more information."  
  
Carter nodded at his superior and began gently ushering his distraught colleague out into the hall. Cleo reluctantly relented and allowed him to open the door and lead her outside.  
  
Suddenly the heart monitor changed again. "V-Fib!" someone shouted and Cleo looked up, hardly able to comprehend that this was all real. Less than 3 days ago, everything had been fine, now this. So much was happening; she couldn't believe that this all wasn't a dream.  
  
"No! Kyle!!" She swung around, running forward towards her child. Carter grabbed her and pulled her back.  
  
"Cleo" Kerry said in a sympathetic, caring voice, "please let us do our job, none of this is helping Kyle."  
  
Cleo wasn't listening. She just focused on her little boy's beautiful face, lying helplessly in front of her as the trill of the cardiac monitor filled the room and buried deep into her head.  
  
Her brain wasn't creating coherent thought. She was only thinking of one thing. Her son, and the fact that he might die. She hardly noticed Cater shaking her, trying to get through to her.  
  
"Cleo! Come on!"  
  
He finally managed to pull her outside the doors. The whole ER, staff and patients alike, were staring at them, not knowing what was going on or what to do.  
  
"Carter, is everything ok?" Abby walked over to them but stopped when Carter shot her a solemn glance. He shook his head and she backed off, even more confused than she was before.  
  
They walked past admit and Carter opened the lounge door, gesturing for her to go inside. Cleo nodded blankly. She looked back at the admit desk as she went inside. She stopped when she saw a figure standing by the desk. It was the woman.  
  
She struggled away from Carter and rushed forward. She was vaguely aware that everyone was looking at her but she really didn't care. The only thing she cared about was critically ill and it was all this woman's fault.  
  
"What the hell have you done?!" She screamed. "What the hell have you done to my son?!!"  
  
The woman in the floral dress backed away and Cleo collapsed to the floor, in floods of tears. Carter was now standing behind her. She knelt down on the floor to her level and wrapped his arms around her, comfortingly.  
  
Carter helped her up and took her into the lounge, leaving everyone outside with shocked looks on their faces. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
Carter paced up and down the staff lounge. He didn't know why he was so nervous. Kyle wasn't even anything to do with him; he wasn't even that close to his mother. He stopped and glanced over at Cleo who was sitting perfectly still on one of the chairs by the window, biting her nails and staring into space.  
  
Carter walked over and sat down next to her. She looked up, registering that he was there and went back to staring at the wall. "I should be there" she stammered, "He needs me."  
  
Carter placed a hand on her shoulder. "You heard what Kerry said. She'll come and tell you when they know more."  
  
Cleo looked up at Carter, looking for comfort. "You saw him, Carter. You saw how bad he was. He could die. Oh god, what if he's already dead?"  
  
"Hey." Carter stopped her, "don't think like that, he'll be fine, you know that. Don't blame yourself."  
  
"But I wasn't there. I left him with that woman. I trusted her. It was my bad judgement that got him hurt."  
  
Carter opened his mouth to say something but was stopped when the lounge door opened. Kerry slowly opened the door and walked inside. Cleo swung around in her chair and looked up worryingly. Her tears had just about subsided as she sunk into numb shock but now they were once again pricking the backs of her eyes.  
  
"Cleo, he's stable." Kerry came in and shut the door, immediately putting Cleo's mind at rest, preventing her from getting even more worried.  
  
An overwhelming sense of relief swept over Cleo at Kerry's words but the sombre expression still on Dr. Weaver's face made her panic all over again.  
  
Kerry took a deep breath and carried on. "He suffered major head trauma and massive internal bleeding. We had to open his chest down here to prevent further blood loss. He was down for a few minutes but we managed to get him back. Dr. Romano is on his way to take him up to surgery."  
  
Cleo covered her mouth with her hands and stood there, silently shaking her head as this news sunk in. Kerry looked at her with sympathy and concern. Her instinct was to tell her not to worry, that everything was going to be fine but this wasn't like talking to any normal parent. Cleo was aware of all the risks and knew full well that his condition was critical.  
  
Carter spoke up for the first time since Kerry had entered the room. "Can she see him?"  
  
Kerry nodded her head slowly. "We've still got a few minutes until he goes upstairs, you can sit with him until then."  
  
Cleo numbly made her way over to the door and turned the handle. Carter stood up and started walking over too but Kerry gestured for him to sit down again. "I really think it's best if she sees him on her own."  
  
Carter nodded in understanding and sat back down. "I better get back to work. It looks like we're really filling up out there."  
  
Kerry smiled at him and led Cleo out into the hall. Cleo was only vaguely aware that everyone was looking at them as they made their way to Trauma 2, but it didn't matter.  
  
"Will everyone get on with their jobs please?" Kerry yelled. "Thank you."  
  
Both doctors stopped just before they got to the trauma room. "Cleo, be aware that there will be lots of tubes and wires attached to him, and his chest is open. If it's to distressing for you, you don't have to go in."  
  
Cleo lifted her head and looked at Kerry. "No, I need to see him." Kerry nodded and led the way through the doors.  
  
Cleo felt more tears run down her face at the scene but all she could focus on was being there for her baby. She walked around to the other side of the table as Kerry stood by the door and a nurse rushed around, trying to clear up.  
  
"Kyle, Mommy's here." She crouched down so she was at the same height as the table and ran her hand down his face. "Can you hear me? I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." Cleo leant over and kissed the top of his head. She gave a half-hearted smile and stood up just as Dr. Romano and a team of nurses burst though the doors. Kerry stopped him and pulled him to one side, no doubt telling him the situation. He looked shocked for a moment then nodded his head.  
  
He walked over to Cleo, as the nurse got ready to take Kyle up to the OR. "Dr. Finch, we're talking him upstairs now, if you would like to follow me, I'll explain the situation on the way."  
  
He gave her a sympathetic smile and Cleo nodded in reply. She walked slowly behind as they rushed Kyle to the elevator and wheeled him inside.  
  
* * *  
  
"Hey, how is he doing?" Carter walked up to Cleo in the surgical corridor and sat down next to her on the bench.  
  
"I, umm. I don't know." She shook her head and looked nervously at the door into OR 1. "There's no news yet" she told him, "Romano's still operating."  
  
Carter nodded. He placed a hand comfortingly on her shoulder. "And how are you feeling?"  
  
Cleo shrugged. "Just numb. I can't believe this is happening."  
  
Carter didn't say anything, he just listened. He couldn't imagine how she was feeling, he didn't pretend he did. There wasn't anything he could say so he didn't try.  
  
"Three days ago I wasn't even his mother, now this." Cleo rested her head in her hands and a began to cry.  
  
"You've always been his mother" Carter reassured her, "Just because he wasn't living with you, doesn't mean he wasn't a part of you."  
  
"You have no idea" she said, not lifting her head. "You don't know how I acted."  
  
"That doesn't matter either. The important thing is that you're looking after him now."  
  
"And a great job I'm doing of it so far" Cleo said with a pained laugh. She lifted her head and looked Carter straight in the eye. "I love him so much. I just couldn't care for him. I thought it would be best to stay away."  
  
"Did you ever stop thinking about him?"  
  
A single tear slid down her cheek. "God no."  
  
* * *  
  
"Look Reese, we're home again." Peter smiled at his son and pointed out of the window of the cab as they pulled up outside the hospital. "Let's go and see Cleo, ok?"  
  
Reese nodded wildly as Peter finished sighing. He paid the driver the fare from the airport and lifted Reese out, swinging their bag over his shoulder.  
  
He walked up to the double doors and they slid open.  
  
"Dr. Benton" Abby greeted glumly.  
  
"Hi" he said back, more than a bit confused. "Where's Cleo?"  
  
Malucci turned around to face Abby. They looked at each other. "She didn't call you?" He asked.  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Kyle was in a car accident, I would've thought she'd what you with her." Malucci said, picking up a pile of paper work, oblivious to the look of shock on Peter's face.  
  
Benton looked at the resident with a questioning glance. "Who's Kyle?"  
  
"Oh, god!" Abby said, turning away. "You didn't know. Kyle's her son." 


End file.
